Like this:

I haven’t written in a while because, like for everyone else, there has been a to-do list that never seems to have an end and time that seems to meet itself coming and going…
mostly going.

Sometimes recently when I wake up just before my 3^rd and final alarm goes off in the mornings, I watch how quickly those last 3 or 4 minutes go by before I must pull myself up out of my bed.  I’ve become very aware of how fast time seems to be moving and of how little I am actually accomplishing.

This morning was different…
I slept in a little because it’s a holiday…
and let my day begin more slowly.  Oh, I’m doing the same things I always do…
just more gradually…
more at leisure.

One of those things I’m learning to do is to evaluate (not analyze to death), to take stock of the things in my life and the places I frequent and the people I know and the goals before me and, well, ask myself that most pressing human question…
who am I.

Who we are matters a great deal to us.  Unless we are suffering from one of the depressive illnesses that force us into a downward spiral…
we generally want to know who we are…
what our purpose is…
what we’re supposed to do…
whether we are making a difference in the world or not…
and where we are in the scheme of things.

We have more basic questions, too…
is there food to eat…
is something wrong with me (that’s a pandora’s box for sure)…
am I loved…
is there anyone who cares…
why am I so afraid…
when will everything be o.k…
why is this happening to me…
why won’t they leave me alone…
why doesn’t anyone hear me? 

Sometimes we genuinely have to tell our brains and emotions to just “knock it off!”  We can allow ourselves to be driven into states that make us absolutely hysterical or non-functioning…
and, in those moments, we are robbed…
plain and simple…
we are robbed of joy and hope and peace and, certainly, of the ability to give and receive love.

We have to take deliberate steps to decide how we will live.  Yes, that means decisions have to be made.  We can know everything about the Scriptures.  We can recite any number of texts.  We can plaster our mirrors with encouraging statements and principles, but somewhere in the mix, we have to decide how we will live and what our focus will be.

Even as Christians…
even with all we profess…
even if we are in church every single time the door is open and serve on every possible committee and give in every way we believe we are supposed to give…
there are decisions that we must make all by ourselves…
and those decisions consciously made or defaulted to some myth of a neutral…
become the parameters of the courses we set.

If I was only, really free…
if there was just some way to know what is about to happen…
if I could only be sure…
if I could only believe…
if I knew what is really right…
and on and on it goes and on and on it will go until we make decisions based on principles rather than the ebb and flow of circumstances.

It’s one of the most valuable discoveries we can make…
one of the most valuable lessons we can learn…
pray, study, learn, decide. 

When we do this day by day…
we have taken what seems so illusive, control of our lives, into hand.

Once we ever get to the work of evaluating and of decision making based on our relationships with Christ…
we can live with certainties that draw us right into a regimen of gratitude.  Smoke and mirrors recede into the background.  Hocus pocus becomes the nonsense that it really is.  Magic holds no allure.  Worry and doubt flee from the corners of our thoughts because a light is always on.

Oh my goodness you may be thinking…
is she promising nirvana?  No, I’m not.  But I am saying that whatever comes to us…
and however difficult it first appears to be…
with our life course set…
and our determinations made…
and the Lord of our lives acknowledged…
there is hope for us…
and where there is hope, there is the capacity for faith, and where there is faith, there is the capacity for love in Christ…
and where there is love in Christ…
though some days are still harder than others and we are not immune from tribulation…
everything is possible.

It is one of the greatest lessons we can learn and it is also one of the sources of greatest gratitude…
of a whole life of gratitude…
it is the life surrendered to One Master…
to Christ and His way…
to His Lordship…
to His authority…
to trusting Him above all others. 

We never have all the answers and we never see everything from our own vantage points…
but we know the One Who does…
and we can rest in Him…
and be grateful…
for life.

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